In the second stage of guided communication on eharmony (yes, it can be complicated), one of the questions you can send is:
How do you feel about food?
A. I consider myself a gourmand and love to dine on elaborate meals as often as possible.
B. I just eat to live, trying to be healthy and consume little.
C. I like to eat and occasionally enjoy large meals.
D. I eat three regular meals a day without much additional thought.
I’ve never received or sent this question, but it does get me thinking. What is a healthy relationship to food? I know my past relationship with it was not healthy. How could it have been since I was obese for more than a decade? While I could really enjoy it and have many pleasant memories of past meals I’ve had, I also now realize that I’ve used it to anesthetize emotions I could not or did not want to acknowledge. I’ve eaten for reward: I’ve eaten when I was not hungry; I’ve eaten with abandon. For years food has controlled me more than I’ve controlled it, and I’m trying to change that.
I’m not sure what kind of relationship I should be working towards though. Is eating just for nutritional means the healthiest relationship one can have with food? The thought that I can reach the point that food is just food is a hopeful one, but I also feel a little sad at the idea that I should not let it bring me any joy. I love having great meals at delicious restaurants. I really like cooking tasty meals for myself or eating those cooked for me by someone who cares about me. I have had moments when I have thought of my next meal as only a source of energy, but I’m not sure I want to feel that way about all my future meals.
What is a healthy relationship with food? Do you know anyone who has one? What does it look like?
7 comments:
I guess a healthy relationship with food should be like any other healthy relationship in your life-- it should be something you enjoy AND something that makes you feel good about yourself. If it makes you feel depressed or unhappy, it's not healthy. I don't think enjoying food is unhealthy, unless it makes you feel guilty or out-of-control. You should still respect yourself in the morning! :)
I guess this goes back to your earlier post about re-programming. There is such a large psychological piece that dieting and exercise don't address. To become healthier, we have to tackle that piece, too.
Thanks, Laura! This is helpful.
I do have to admit my overeating did not always make me feel depressed or unhappy - I just couldn't recognize how unhealthy or out of control it really was.
I am really trying to learn how to address the psychological/mental/spiritual part of this - and think getting this right will be the key to losing the last part and keeping it off. I added spiritual because I read the zen of eating last week, and it was extremely thought-provoking.
That eharmony question is a tough one! On the question itself, I think I'd answer "C" ("I like to eat and occasionally enjoy large meals"), although I don't think it adequately conveys the love/passion I often feel for food (something that comes across more clearly in the "A" option). Still, it would be my choice because it demonstrates that even though I do love beautifully cooked, elaborate meals (both when I do the cooking and when others do it), those meals are occasional rather than "as often as possible."
And the broader question about what's a "healthy" relationship to food? Also a tough one. I don't think there's any one relationship--mine certainly seems to shift with every meal (and I do think my relationship to food is largely healthy). Sometimes I'm just hungry and need calories. Other times the food comes with other baggage (in my case, it's often a form of procrastination. "Oh, I don't feel like starting that new scene. . . I'll just wander over to the refridgerator for a quick break..."). Other times it's all about enjoying the experience of the food itself.
Maybe the "healthy" part comes from self-awareness? I *know* I tend to use food as a procrastination tool when I'm working at home. Hmm...but self-awareness alone won't cut it--back a few years ago, when I was addicted to Cheezits, I knew very well what I was doing when I opened that box. And I still opened it. So . . . maybe self-awareness mixed in with strategies for dealing with the problem? For instance, right now I'm grabbing apples when I find myself wandering into the kitchen, because the Honeycrisps and Galas are so great this month--and I don't feel guilty about eating an apple.
What do others think?
Thanks, Elise. I think C would be my answer now - but it might have been my answer before. If you had elaborate meals as often as possible, they'd stop being so great.
Kessler seems to say that a healthy relationship with food is to eat for nutritional needs with a few, occasional, still smart treats such as a fruit based dessert. That might be too extreme. Other books also go on a lot about always being mindful of what you eat - aka don't just mindlessly stuff your face - be aware of what you are eating all the time. That may be your self-awareness plus coping strategies. I'll keep working on figuring what I think is a healthy relationship for me.
Good post, Michelle. And I liked the responses too. I think trying to get to a healthy relationship with food is like so many other self-improvement areas -- finding a balance. I'd love to get to the point where most meals are just food for sustenance (that still tastes good) with some nicer meals for special occasions.
Michelle, Kessler's definition of a healthy relationship to food doesn't seem quite right to me (where's the joy of eating?), but I think it's definitely part of the equation. I was probably never so aware of what I was eating as when I was pregnant. I really did think about the nutritional value of every bite. Some of that consciousness has lingered even five years later, but obviously to a much lesser degree :)
At the risk of sounding too dramatic, the one difference that overeating has to other "addictions" is you can't just quit cold turkey - you still need to eat to survive. I'm getting more and more confident that eventually I'll come to a conclusion as to what would be a healthy relationship to food for me.
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