New Year's Resolutions vs. Goals

I made variations of the same three New Year’s Resolutions for years and years. They were:

1) To Lose Weight
2) To Write a Novel
3) To Be More Social

I shared this with a friend once when we were talking about what our New Year’s Resolutions were going to be. Her immediate response was: how is that working for you? I wanted to take her head off, and I’m sure my verbal answer was pretty defensive. At times, I had made some progress on any one of these resolutions, especially number 3, but I never accomplished anything sustained for numbers 1 or 2.

Fast forward to the end of 2007. In some ways, that year was tough, and I felt like my life was in a rut. I read online – probably on Oprah.com – an article about losing weight that really was about setting good goals for the New Year, and it had two important parts. It said that you had to look at your life in its entirety - and not just one part. You shouldn’t think that achieving one goal, such as losing those 50 pounds, is going to make your life perfect or make you happy. You had to look at all the parts of your life – do a 360 to use a buzz phrase. The other big point was you had to evaluate the past year first. See what went well, what did not and figure out where you had to build from and where you had to change.

I love setting goals, but I was not as keen about evaluating the past. What did I have to lose though? I decided I’d give it a try and started the process sitting at the gate in Bradley International Airport waiting for my flight back to DC. I came up with six areas to evaluate and set goals for 2008: professional, writing, personal/social, financial, health/fitness, and spiritual.

The evaluation of 2007 was painful at times, but it was the most revealing part of the exercise. I celebrated the accomplishments. I tried to write a triumphant narrative as opposed to a victim narrative, but I also tried to be 100% honest. For example, I was achieving my financial goals, but it wasn’t making me as happy as I thought it would. I was more social than I had been for several years in DC, but I could do more. Opportunity was knocking in the writing world, but I was doing my absolute best to ignore it and not be ready. The other areas all needed work. After the evaluation, I started to set goals. I could feel myself already cheering up and feeling more optimistic.

I periodically reread my goals during the year to check in with where I was. One thing I really liked about goals vs. resolutions is that resolutions felt like all or nothing propositions while there's much more flexibility with goals. For example, I resolve to do X and not do Y. If I do Y, I've already failed. It's kind of like when I vow to give up candy for lent and mindlessly eat a piece of chocolate after lunch on Ash Wednesday. It's all over. I need to come up with something else quick to give up for Lent or just give up. If I set a goal to do X and not Y, there is more give and take. I can ignore one goal for months at a time, remind myself of it again, and come back at it with renewed determination. I can also work at another goal a little bit every so often and then reach a point when I shock myself with what I've managed to accomplish in the past 6 months.

At the end of 2008, I once again evaluated my past year and set goals for the upcoming year. I had not achieved my biggest goal for 2008, but I was still a fan of what a combination of evaluation and goal setting could accomplish. I am starting this same exercise for 2009/2010. One thing that has really surprised me is that the whole process builds on itself. Success in one area can help in another AND each year is a bit better/more successful than the year before.

Writing my evaluation of 2009 will be fun! Some of the goals I’ve accomplished in 2009 that seemed impossible for years include:

-Lost 30+ pounds (I did not set a specific pound goal for the year but I did promise myself I'd work on it all year - really give it my all)
-Went to Weight Watchers 50 times (original goal was to go 45-50 times)
-Worked out more than 100 times (and consequently am stronger and in much better shape)
-Really got a handle on my emotional eating issues and developed coping strategies
-Finished a first draft of a novel – oh happy day!
-Entered the GH for the first time
-Prepared for and took the CAE (certified association executive) exam to increase my employability
-Joined Eharmony (actually done on 12/22/08) and kept up with it at times
-Was social at least 4 times a month (often much more than that, but I have to remind myself to do this.)
-Considered refinancing my condo
-Increased my emergency savings fund
-Increased my retirement savings

And, in case you are wondering, 2009 was not a perfect, stress-free year. The economy has sent shock waves through the industries I work in, and job insecurity is a reality. Several people I love had cancer scares. My car died. I could so easily have gained 30 pounds this year instead of lost them. Through it all, I tried to foster positivity, gratitude and compassion. I stayed focused on what I wanted to accomplish. I did not beat myself up the times I slipped. I kept moving forward.

I have a lot of success to build on in 2010 especially in the writing and health and fitness categories. I also have areas where I need to do more. I can’t say I’ve had many spiritual successes in the past two years. There are so many ways I can cheat in the social arena, and I want to address that. I need to come up with some good professional goals and figure out an appropriate financial plan for the upcoming year, but I know I can do it. I’ll share some of my biggest goals for 2010 in the coming weeks, and I’d love to hear what some of yours are. This can really work!

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Cuban Black Beans and Rice

I started the holiday season with the goal of still losing some weight during the time between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Eve. I didn’t want to give up all hope that I could lose weight over the 5-6 weeks, and I also recognize that I’m likelier to maintain my loss if I have the goal of losing as opposed to maintaining. I find it easier to overeat and make unwise choices with the latter goal. It’s a slippery slope.

If I was going to make this goal, I needed to keep up my exercise and to be extremely wise about what I made to eat on the days I had no holiday or other social activity planned. That meant, I needed to make more vegetarian, fish or turkey-based dishes. I’ve been expanding my collection of tasty options in those categories, and here is one of my favorites.

Cuban Black Beans and Rice

½ cup uncooked white rice (I often use brown and up it to 1 cup uncooked.)

1 tablespoon olive oil

1 yellow onion, thinly sliced

1 red pepper, seeded and thinly sliced

1 green bell pepper, seeded and thinly sliced

3 garlic cloves, minced

5 plum tomatoes, diced, or 1 14-ounce can diced tomatoes

2 tablespoons sherry vinegar (often use balsamic)

1 teaspoon ground cumin

1 teaspoon ground coriander

1 teaspoon dried oregano

1 teaspoon hot pepper sauce (often skip or use a few red pepper flakes)

2 15.5 ounce cans black beans

¼ teaspoon freshly ground pepper

Instructions:

1. Cook the rice according to package directions.

2. Heat a large saucepan or Dutch oven over medium-high heat. Swirl in the oil, then add the onion, red and green bell peppers, and garlic. Cook, stirring occasionally, until softened, about 5 minutes. Stir in the tomatoes, vinegar, cumin, coriander, oregano, and pepper sauce; cook 2 minutes. Add the beans, reduce the heat to medium, cover and simmer until thickened, about 10 minutes. Season with the pepper and serve with the rice.

Makes 4 servings. 7 points each.

Per serving: 372 calories, 5 g fat, 1 g sat fat, 0 mg chol, 372 mg sod, 68 g carb, 4 g fib, 16 g prot, 141 mg calc

While this recipe can help you lose weight over the holidays, do make sure you take some time to enjoy the festivities. I’m really not going to beat myself up if I maintain or even gain some weight when I’m in Connecticut for Christmas. I doubt I’ll even count points. I’m going to enjoy spending time with my family during a festive time. I hope you do the same.

Happy Holidays!

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Punching Your Way to Healthy Writing

Note from Trish: I apologize for the late posting today. Anna sent me her post and photos several days ago, but I quite simply forgot to prepare the post last night. So, sorry Anna. Hope you all enjoy Anna's post nonetheless.

By Anna Sugden

With the holiday season upon us, it’s a good time to be thinking about how we’re going to recover from all the indulgences (and overindulgences), as well as what our New Year’s resolutions will be.

I know I will be endeavouring to be a healthier writer. I saw the difference it made to me last year when I took myself in hand and became more disciplined about both my writing and my health and fitness. In particular, I’m going to make the effort to add back an element to the health and fitness part of my routine. It’s something I’ve been missing.

Boxing.

Yes, you read that right. Boxing. Fitness boxing.

You might think it strange that a sport in which grown men, and indeed women, go around beating the heck out of each other is of value to one’s health or one’s writing … but, I can promise you it is.

First, let me clarify. I don’t climb into the ring and go for the knock-out. No one hits me. And, I don’t really hit anyone either. Not like a real boxer. The boxing trainer wears punching mitts and a body shield - that’s what you punch. Oh, and punch bags, of course. (As an aside, did you know it’s really hard to do that thing boxers do when they punch that little bag back and forth?! They make it look so simple, but getting the rhythm right so it works is really difficult!)

Second, fitness boxing isn’t all about the punching. Sure, that’s a fun part - especially, on days when you’ve had a rejection! But, throwing a punch is only part of the story. It’s about body positioning, how you move your feet, how you hold your hands, timing and concentration. And, when you do get to the punching, each punch has to be thrown a certain way. Plus, there’s ducking and dodging. While my trainer would never hit me, he mimics punches so you move to get out of the way! That too is harder than it looks, when you have to remember to keep your fists up and be ready to dodge another way!

Seriously, my brain probably gets as good a workout as my body when I go to a fitness boxing session. So many things to remember! A good boxing trainer will work you as hard mentally as he will physically.

I always do my best writing after a fitness boxing session. Always. Because, my brain is cleared of all the clutter and is energized by the exercise.

Third, I get bored by doing the same thing over and over again. I used to love aerobics, because it was a combination of dancing and exercise. I’ve often thought about doing jazzercise too. Boxing is something different again, because it isn’t just boring reps and routines!

If you only have a short time to give up to exercise, boxing is a great way to burn calories and make your whole body fit. It builds strength, flexibility and endurance. Each punch works so many muscles. Let’s try a little demonstration to show you.

1. Stand with your feet apart (shoulder’s width), one foot slightly in front of the other, knees bent a little. [I’m right-handed, so my left leg is the one in front]

2. Bring up your hands in a classic boxer’s pose, fists clenched, on either side of your jaw.

3. Punch straight out with your right arm, at shoulder height.

4. Bring the arm back in and set up in the starting pose.

5. Punch straight out with the left arm.

6. Repeat, being careful to set your position each time.

Did you feel the muscles working - in your legs, your arms, your back, your core? Did you feel the energy needed just to throw those two sets of punches? Can you imagine repeating that ten times? Can you imagine repeating that ten times and hitting something solid instead of air?

I was lucky enough to find a great boxing trainer - a former golden glove champion, who was also a fitness expert. You can see a cool video which shows the kinds of things we did on his Web
site (www.fitnessboxingclub.com) … and if you look closely, you might even spot me! Not only did he teach me to box (and to do that cool skipping that boxers do - which in itself is a great workout!), but he also showed me how to use boxing to make me healthier and fitter.

Sadly, since we moved home (and he wouldn’t move with us!) I haven’t been boxing. But, I do have a big punch-bag and my gloves and I’m determined to start again. Fifteen minutes of skipping and punching is worth at least double that in lifting weights and crunches! And, we all know it’s easier to fit in shorter exercise sessions to our busy lives *g*.

Hopefully, I will make myself fitter and healthier … and make my writing fitter and healthier too!

Wishing you all a wonderful holiday season and a happy and healthy 2010, with lots of great writing!

How about you? Do you like strict, repetitive routines or do you find it easier to exercise when things are different and changing? Do you find it hard to fit in exercise routines? Do you find exercise clears your brain? Does boxing interest you?

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Soup Secrets

Trish blogged the other day on Romance Bandits and reminded me of how wonderfully warm and comforting soups are this time of year. Its cold, rainy or snowy out. We're inevitably running ragged and juggling twice as much responsibility as we normally do. Its soup time!!

I love soup. But I don't eat canned soup at all. It just doesn't seem to appeal in the same way. Maybe its that savory scent that fills the kitchen that holds half the allure?

Vegetable soup is a standard in our house, or as my kids call it, Stone Soup (based on the story about the guy who only had a stone, and convinced many others to contribute to the soup pot. A potato here, a tomato there and soon he and his stone had a big, steaming, delicious pot of soup for everyone). Minestrone with yummy homemade noodles. Or my all time favorite, my MIL's Potato Leek soup. Creamy, warm for the tummy goodness. Its an all time family favorite.

But with 6 tbsp of butter and 2 cups of half and half, it wasn't exactly low-fat. So I figured out a way to cut the butter in half (just used half LOL) and found fat-free half and half to replace the full fat version. I also substitute vegetable broth for the chicken broth, but that's because we're vegetarian, although it has the added benefit of slipping a few more calories off the total.

Ever since I adjusted the recipe and nobody noticed the difference, I've been on the lookout for other ways to slim down favorites. Soups are one of the easiest. The most fattening soups are usually cream based, so use fat-free milk or half and half. Cut back the butter, or if you can't cut it back for sauteing the onions, for instance, instead increase the broth and veggie ratio so the butter is spread among more servings. Use low sodium broth or make your own whenever possible.

How about you? Are you a soup fan? Do you have a favorite soup or recipe to share? And have you any suggestions that you use to slim down your soup recipes?

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Dressing the Part

I'm always looking for ways to inspire myself to keep to my exercise regimen, and I've discovered that if I dress the part of someone who is serious about exercise then I feel that I'm serious and have better results in time spent exercising. With that in mind, while Christmas shopping a few days ago I also picked up some exercise attire for myself -- three pairs of pants, two shirts, a light jacket and a heavier fleece jacket for outdoor use. It's all very comfortable, which is a must for exercising.

Here's one of my indoor looks.










































Add the fleece jacket and some gloves, and I'm set to walk around the neighborhood during cooler weather.










































Do you all feel any different when you wear clothing that is made specifically for exercise?

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The Healthy Brain

I've become a big fan of Prevention magazine and the magazine's Web site. But as if I needed another reminder that past age 30, things start taking a lot more work to maintain, I saw an article today that began by mentioning that at age 30 our brains start a slow, steady decline. Hey, I'm a writer. I need all the brain power I can muster. But, luckily, there are ways to help keep our brains sharp.

1. Doing Internet searches has been shown to stimulate brain activity. I knew I wasn't doing all that Googling just for the fun of it. :)

2. Exercise. Hmm, this seems to be the cure for lots of things, doesn't it? The article also cites a study that says walking in tree-filled areas is even better for our brains.

3. Brush and floss. This one surprised me, but there's a link between good oral hygiene and brain function.

4. Limit your alcohol consumption. The more a person drinks, the less brain volume he/she has.

5. Eat blueberries. Studies have indicated positive effects on the brain derived from anthocyanin (the dark blue pigment in blueberries).

6. Do puzzles. An amazing University of Alabama study showed some amazing results when 3,000 senior citizens who did brain-boosting puzzles were studied.

7. Meditate. Good for stress relief, and evidently good for cognitive function.

For more detail on all of the above ways to increase your brain function, read the entire article here.

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The Dark Side of the Holidays

By now, you have probably heard more times than you care to how much weight the average person gains over the holidays. The usual assumption is that people gain weight because they can’t resist the temptation of all the yummy foods that are everywhere this time of the year. I think some of that weight gain may be caused by the darker side of the holidays – the negative thoughts and emotions this time of year can engender. If you are an emotional eater, you may want to dive into that plate of Christmas cookies to push down those unsettling feelings. Many people turn to food for comfort, and I can be at the front of that line.

I honestly believe that one of the best ways to combat emotional eating is to try to work out the negative thoughts, feelings, and emotions that you’d rather suppress by eating. Furthermore, working out these feelings can help you control other, more negative reactions than stuffing your face. This is hard stuff, but awareness is the first step of that battle. Are you feeling any negative thoughts or emotions because of the holidays? Does any of the following sound familiar?

Stress: The holidays are supposedly a time of joy and happiness and all you feel is stressed out. There is so much to do this time of the year, and a lot of it is left to the wife or mother to accomplish. You may be struggling to get it all done and feel resentful that you aren’t enjoying all the work you are putting into the holidays or the fact that nobody seems to appreciate your efforts. You are starting to skip doing the stuff that you do just for yourself and sliding back into bad health habits. You may resent that this seems so much easier for everyone else. You may even be looking forward to January when things return to normal. You deserve a pick-me-up in the form of a cookie or two or three. Eating for reward is so tempting.

Financial Concerns: The holidays are so expensive. I’ve often thought that I just can’t save during the holidays and have, at times, worried about acquiring debt from the presents I feel I have to purchase or the travel plans I make to spend time with family. This is an even tougher year financially for most. Are you worried about money and feel like the holidays are making you lose control? How many presents do you need to give your children so that they aren’t deprived? How much do you splurge on your plans for the festive meals? How do you pay for it all – especially if you are worried about being laid off or you have recently lost your job?

Loneliness: The holidays are supposedly about family. If you don’t have one, you’re estranged from your own, or you live far away from them, you may feel lonely now. You may not feel like you should fuss over the holidays or decorating if it’s all just for you. All the commercials, holiday specials and holiday movies show perfect looking people bonding over their family ties – or at least that’s how it looks to you. Single people may feel their lack of a life partner most keenly right now. Many profiles on EHarmony or Match.com have been completely rewritten in the past few weeks. The latest version of those darn match and eHarmony commercials are showing up on TV during your favorite shows. You feel like everyone in the whole world has someone to share this special time with but you, so why shouldn’t you bake dozens of your favorite cookies and eat them this weekend.

Who’s Missing at the Celebration?: Is someone you love currently deployed? The year my father was in Panama for Operation Just Cause instead of in Connecticut for Christmas Eve is not my favorite holiday ever. Has someone you loved passed away in the past year? You’re going to miss them keenly at the holidays and relieve part of the grieving process. You may miss someone who passed away 10, 20 or 30 years ago. The loved one may be at the celebration but seems so changed that you still miss him or her. You may be with your in-laws or friends and wish you were with your own family or vice versa.

Merry Christmas from the Family: Have you ever heard this Robert Earl Keen song? It’s about a dysfunctional family celebrating Christmas, and it’s not Currier & Ives type stuff, but it may be much more realistic than your favorite holiday movie. Are there suppressed emotions, disagreements, or other unpleasantness that always seem to erupt at dinner – or are you so sick of seeing others ignore it?

Time Flies: How can it be the holidays again already? Where did the time go? It’s another year gone and you’re getting older. You had so many things you wanted to accomplish this year with nothing to show for it.

Spiritual Emptiness: Christmas is a major religious holiday for some, and Hanukkah has become more important than it was for centuries. Are you feeling it? Do you want to? Do you believe? Did you before but not anymore? Are you a Christmas/Easter Christian and feeling guilty? Do you resent the questions?

I’m not Christian and I wish everyone would stop talking about Christmas: You cannot escape from all the Carols. You are so sick of secular and religious celebrants of Christmas shoving the holiday in your face and making it more difficult for you and your family to stay true to your beliefs.

Does any of the above sound familiar? Are there other issues that you are struggling with right now? Are they making you overeat? Figuring out what’s bothering you may help you start working out the issues and help prevent the average weight gain of the holidays. More importantly, it’ll help you feel better and help you enjoy the festive aspects of this time of the year.

Photo: Elise Hayes and I enjoyed the festive aspects of the holidays at yesterday's WRW Holiday Party.

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