The question what is a healthy approach to dating and courtship has been on my mind in the last year and a half more than at any other time except perhaps the first couple years of college. Alas, I'm not sure I have any more wisdom today than I did as a freshman or sophomore at Dartmouth. Who has all the answers that seem to elude me?
As I've mentioned before, I spent most of my 20s and a good start on my 30s obese. I'm sure there are obese people who have very active, romantic, social lives, but I don't know any of them. I did have an active social life, but I feel like I'm coming back to the dating world after a long break. Honestly, I do not know what I'm doing, and it's driving me crazy. I often feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster, and there is nobody in the seat next to me. I'm doing it to myself.
Is this just normal? I've attacked these questions in the same way I attack all questions - I research. I've read advice articles (and even books) on dating and talked to many friends and my sister about it. There is a lot of conflicting advice out there, but my feelings do seem to fall under the broad umbrella of "normal". I do hate how adversarial or uncertain it all can feel and how the typical advice feels like game playing. What has helped the most is applying some of the same lessons I learned in my attempts to lose weight: be Zen like and have no expectations while still being aware of what I'm doing and how it effects me. I even reread the chapters in The Zen of Eating on "Attachment to Desire Causes Suffering" and "Suffering Ends By Letting Go of Attachment to Desire."
So, it's probably apparent I don't feel like I have much wisdom to share on this topic. Do any of you have good advice? What are your thoughts on dating and courtship today in real life (as opposed to in novels or in comparison to romance novels if that's what you are the most interested in)? What is important to be aware of and to do?
Michelle Butler has made becoming a healthy writer a priority. She lives, works and writes in the Washington, DC, area. You can follow her on twitter at http://twitter.com/healthywrtr
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As I've mentioned before, I spent most of my 20s and a good start on my 30s obese. I'm sure there are obese people who have very active, romantic, social lives, but I don't know any of them. I did have an active social life, but I feel like I'm coming back to the dating world after a long break. Honestly, I do not know what I'm doing, and it's driving me crazy. I often feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster, and there is nobody in the seat next to me. I'm doing it to myself.
Is this just normal? I've attacked these questions in the same way I attack all questions - I research. I've read advice articles (and even books) on dating and talked to many friends and my sister about it. There is a lot of conflicting advice out there, but my feelings do seem to fall under the broad umbrella of "normal". I do hate how adversarial or uncertain it all can feel and how the typical advice feels like game playing. What has helped the most is applying some of the same lessons I learned in my attempts to lose weight: be Zen like and have no expectations while still being aware of what I'm doing and how it effects me. I even reread the chapters in The Zen of Eating on "Attachment to Desire Causes Suffering" and "Suffering Ends By Letting Go of Attachment to Desire."
So, it's probably apparent I don't feel like I have much wisdom to share on this topic. Do any of you have good advice? What are your thoughts on dating and courtship today in real life (as opposed to in novels or in comparison to romance novels if that's what you are the most interested in)? What is important to be aware of and to do?
Michelle Butler has made becoming a healthy writer a priority. She lives, works and writes in the Washington, DC, area. You can follow her on twitter at http://twitter.com/healthywrtr
