Remember: You're in charge.

The characters in my latest work in progress are behaving badly. They started out just fine: two tough as nails cops, one from homicide, one from robbery. They loved each other but it turned to hate, and now the death of her partner means they had to work together. They fight a lot, snipping at each other over crime scenes, each feeling a romantic and sexual tension but refusing to acknowledge it. But some how they were holding hands, and she was crying, then he was remembering how it used to be and suddenly, after work, they went to the zoo.

The zoo?

Yes, that’s right, my two tough characters ended up eating ice cream cones and laughing at the elephants. I sat down to read what I’d written the day before and realized things had spiraled desperately out of control. Thankfully, as a writer we're in charge. We can always hit the most important key on the keyboard: delete. I deleted line after line: no more zoo, crying, or holding hands. No more mushy stuff, I edited it back to tough cops and heady tension. That tension will be resolved but not with my characters turning into two zoo going softies. That’s not who they are.

The same thing happened in my own life recently. An opportunity came up that I’d long hoped for. I’d daydreamed about how it would be and here it was, all coming true. Except… Not exactly how I wanted it, more than a few significant details were wrong. Yesterday’s daydream was about to become tomorrow’s nightmare. Unfortunately, there was nothing to do but to delete the opportunity from my life.

In your life, as in your writing, it’s important to remember you’re in charge. You’re the one with the pencil, and more importantly, the one with the eraser. You can ask for an opportunity, but then decide it isn’t for you. You can order the chocolate cake but then throw it away. You can write whole chapters and then decide they don’t work.

It’s hard deleting, tough to remove big chunks that represent hours, especially when they still hold a perfect gem of a phrase or the shining glimmer of possibility. Hard, but not impossible, and it's so important; good writing requires good editing. Healthy living needs it too, you can’t be everyone’s friend, take every job, or do everything all at once. So when you’re adding in a healthy diet or healthy exercise, remember to edit out the things that don’t work. Even if you wanted them once, if you thought they were everything you needed, sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is delete.

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Falling down

I’m a runner. I’m not fast, nor graceful. I am not a thing of beauty and strength on two legs. I’m a runner who sometimes falls down. I have plenty of very good excuses why I fall, but that doesn’t stop it from happening.

You would think running is easy: left foot, right foot, repeat as necessary. But thanks to a stroke, my left foot often responds to the call to go forward by saying “Who me? Sure, yeah, I’ll get right on that…” And down I go.

The beauty of falling down often is that you learn it’s not something to be afraid of. It hurts, yes. You end up bloody and bruised, but the first steps up are the hardest. After that you’re mostly just embarrassed and a little ashamed you did something so silly. I learned that falls on concrete take longer to heal than falls on dirt, so I run in the woods.

There’s a tree along my route in the woods, one I used to hate but now I love. The tree stood as a marker. My first goal was running to the tree, then past the tree, and then to the tree, past the tree, and back to the tree. The tree talked trash to me in the beginning, long taunts of “You really think you’re going to make it? You’re already panting. I’ve stood here longer than you’ve been alive little girl. I’ve seen would-be runners come and go, and you’ll go. Trust me.” I cursed that tree for standing just ten feet away from where my breath ran out, just steps from where I had nothing left but acid in my veins and two collapsed lungs.

But after weeks that turned into months, a magical thing happened: I did run to the tree, past the tree, and back to the tree. Suddenly my tree was a symbol of what I had accomplished, a sentry standing firm over the spot where I proved I could do it. After that, the tree only told me good things, and when I fell it told me to get back up and try again.

My tree often repeats a Japanese proverb to me “Fall down seven times, stand up eight.” When it thinks I need it, it quotes Batman Begins “Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up.” When the winter ice makes it dangerous to visit my tree, I think about it missing me. As a writer I can be forgiven that flight of fantasy and I’ve often walked out to see that tree in snow and icy conditions when running is a very dumb idea, just to wrap my arms around it and remember how it felt to run to the tree, past the tree, and back.

Maybe you don’t fall down in the woods. Maybe it isn’t a tree that taunts you but a Big Mac. Maybe the voice inside your head belongs to someone who loved you but hurt you a little too. It doesn’t matter, falling down works the same way for everyone: it hurts but you get back up, brush yourself off, and start going again. You’ll probably limp for a few days. People will see your bruises and cringe. None of that matters. Fall down seven times, stand up eight.

In the mood to share? I’m always happy to hear about how someone picked themselves up from a spectacular fall.

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The Skinny Girl in the Elevator

Last year at DragonCon I stepped onto the crowded elevator to a scent worth drooling for: bar-be-queue sauce sweet and tangy followed by a hint of fresh French Fries. My mind filled in the rest of the meal hiding in the Styrofoam container: crumbly, buttery cornbread and cool, creamy coleslaw. Having just come from a not-nearly-as-enticing grilled chicken salad, I sighed and announced how jealous I was. A woman not far from me reminded me to think of the calories. I replied that you couldn’t always count calories. And then she said…

“Skinny girls always say things like that.”

After I picked my jaw up from the elevator floor I told her my weight and thanked her for calling me a skinny girl. She told me I wore it well and walked out of my life. That would be the first, and only, time I’ve ever been the skinny girl.

There are a few lessons here: that we’re all the skinny girl compared to someone else, that it only takes a minute to make someone’s day, and that good bar-be-que is worth a taste or two. But the most important one is this: it’s not about how other people see you, it’s about how you see you.

The girl riding the elevator with me saw skinny. Great! But I can’t take that compliment and use it to ignore the facts: my BMI registers as obese, given my family medical history sugary meals and simple carbs are dangerous, and someone with my health background needs to be better. It’s not about getting compliments, it’s not about fitting into a size 10, it’s about staying alive and being healthy.

I want to be able to live without a daily injection of insulin. I want to be able to enjoy my old age without taking several daily prescriptions. I want to walk along the beach without worrying about how far it is. I want know the only thing stopping me is good sense, not poor health.

It’s hard when you get close to your goals and other people begin to see you as skinny. Friends will say you’re doing so well, skip tonight’s run and come have a beer. Partners will pick up sugary treats, offering them to you as a reward. It’s harder still when it isn’t going well, when nothing seems to work or you just don’t want to think about it anymore. People will tell you you’re being silly, you look great. The world will make excuses for you: you’ve had a bad day, there’s some reason to celebrate, or it’s too cold or hot to be healthy.

But you’re worth the work. Your health is worth fighting this battle. Having a set back or reaching a milestone isn’t a reason to stop. You have to remain vigilant, even when it feels like you’re almost finished or feel you never will be. So bask in the glow of compliments (I still think about being the skinny girl in the elevator) but remember to stay on course. Appreciate the intentions behind the excuses, but ignore their siren’s song. Stay in control and don’t let anyone make your choices for you.

What compliments have you gotten lately? Where have you been derailed? Can you use one to fight the other? Let me know if you think I’m crazy in the comments below.

~~~

When she’s not cooking, buying, or dreaming about food Rachel Kleinsorge writes steamy paranormal mystery romances. She is currently waiting for the call from her agent, the amazing Carolyn Grayson, while working on her next novel.

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Let’s talk about Stress, Baby

Let’s talk about you and me
Let’s talk about all the good things
and the bad things that may be
Let's talk about it
-- Salt-n-Pepa, “Let’s talk about Sex”, 1991, London Records

On sunshiny spring days when you get enough sleep, you don’t have a deadline to worry about, and nothing disturbs your routine, being healthy is easy. You can exercise with no trouble. You have enough time to prepare a healthy meal. You get a chance to unwind with yoga before going to bed. Those steady bread-and-butter days help you meet your weekly writing goal, keep your calories in check, and let you conquer the world.

But stress happens. Good and bad events tax your body causing a physical reaction to emotional events. Good friends die in car accidents or the taxman tells you to prepare for an audit. You move to a new house or get a new puppy. What do you do then?

I’m going to ask you to do something a little uncomfortable and think about the stressful events that are coming up in your life. The plotters will have it easier than the pantsers, but everyone should be able to see the good and bad things that could happen in their future. Maybe your child will graduate from high school soon; maybe your car is making a noise that means a big repair bill. How will you deal with the stress those events bring?

Say you finally get the Call, the one that means you’re going to be published (or published again). Would you call up friends and immediately celebrate with a bottle or two of wine? When your editor sends back revisions that rip your heart to pieces do you dive for the chocolate? Is a favorable review the reason for a night out with a few clandestine cigarettes and dancing until dawn?

The ways you handle stress can help keep you healthy or they can tear you down. You can celebrate with a day at the spa or a bottle of wine. You can console yourself with a pedicure or an entire galloon of ice cream. Think about it and come up with a healthy stress relief plan. Remember, this isn’t an all or nothing decision. Maybe you’ll handle stress with a glass of wine instead of the whole bottle. When my agent offered to represent me I indulged in a pint of strawberries and a few hours at a nightclub, a good balance of healthy and indulgent.

What are the healthy ways you can handle stress? What do you already do to alleviate stress in your life? What do you need to stop doing when life stresses you out?

~~~

When she’s not cooking, buying, or dreaming about food Rachel Kleinsorge writes steamy paranormal mystery romances. She is currently waiting for the call from her agent, the amazing Carolyn Grayson, while working on her next novel.

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Steering Clear of Negative People

I'm a very different person now than I was when I graduated from high school 20 years ago, and that's a good thing. I'm not saying that I was a horrible human being or anything, but I didn't have the brightest outlook or best self-image. There were a variety of reasons, but one was being around negative people. Before I go farther, I want to say that I love my family, but you know how some people are just wired to look on the negative side of things? Doing well in school helped improve my self-image beyond where it might have been if I'd only been an average or poor student. And my parents were always supportive and very proud of how well I did in my studies. After all, neither one of them had made it past the 8th grade. They grew up in a time of rural one-room schoolhouses and no such thing as special education programs, which my mother needed. Still, there are lots of people who live through trying situations and still manage to have a positive outlook on whatever life tosses their way. I admire those kind of people. It's one of the reasons that watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition makes me cry on a regular basis.

But it's hard to be around people who seem to have a cloud of negativity following them around like a shadow. I don't know why some people are negative, but they are. Maybe they just don't have the coping skills necessary to deal in a positive way with negative situations. But I do know it's tiring and depressing to spend time with them at times. When I was growing up, I didn't have a choice. And it colored how I looked at the world, feeling like the world was out to get me. Well, it wasn't. That was a lesson I learned as I went away to college, as I made friends who had similar goals and liked the same things I did, as I met amazingly positive people. It opened up an entire new world, one I liked very much.

Fast forward two decades, and I like to think that I'm a pretty positive person. I love being around supportive, happy people, and I really enjoy giving support to others -- as I hope we do each day here at Healthy Writer. I know that the support of my wonderful husband and my fabulous writing friends have gotten me through some dark periods when I felt that I was being followed around by that dark cloud.

I can't say that I don't still run into negative or even toxic people from time to time because I do. You'll find them in any industry, and the writing/publishing world is no different. I just try to steer clear of them as much as I can because I don't like the feelings I get when I'm around people who don't seem to have anything positive or supportive or uplifting to say.

Another problem some writers experience is a lack of support, either passively or through the words and actions of what some have called dream crushers. I'm willing to bet at least some of you have come across people who have told you it's too hard or it takes too much time or you don't have what it takes to make it. Don't let these people steal your dream! Yes, it can be a long, hard road to getting published and finding success as a published author, but I'm a believer in the adage that nothing worth having is easily acquired. We just have to learn to think positively, be supportive of our fellow writers, and enjoy our journey, however long it takes.

Zig Ziglar said, "You'll be a part of who you are around." If you want to be a professional author, then surround yourself with people you'd like to emulate. Go to their workshops, support them at book signings, chat with them at conferences. If you project a positive, professional persona, fellow writers (as well as editors, agents, book buyers, bookstore owners, librarians and book reviewers) will remember you in a positive light. You'll be a person they want to be around -- which is good for you as a person who needs interpersonal relationships and as an author looking to succeed.

Sometimes people in our lives are so toxic that we have to cut them out of our lives. This can be painful, but it can be better for your mental and emotional health in the long run. Thankfully, I've not had to take this drastic step. I just employ other methods in any situation where I come into contact with a negative person -- try to point out the positive side of things in a gentle way that hopefully isn't annoying.

Science is beginning to show more connections between our attitudes and our physical health. This article, written just after actor Christopher Reeve died, explores these connections. And this article from U.S. News & World Report talks about a study which found that women who were optimistic had a 14 percent less chance of dying from any cause after eight years than those who were pessimistic. That's reason enough to focus on keeping a positive attitude and placing yourself in proximity with others who have positive attitudes.

I leave you with two quotes to think about:

Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference. ~Winston Churchill

Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day. ~Author Unknown

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The Power of Positivity

Today, we're happy to host Theresa Ragan as one of our special Friday guest bloggers. Theresa and I have been friends since 2003, when we both finaled in the Golden Heart for the first time. To date, Theresa has seven GH finals to her credit, and she's one of the coolest, most positive people I know.

By Guest Blogger Theresa Ragan

On January 1, 2007, I decided I was going to change my life by training myself to think positively. I was tired of the negative path I was on. At the time, I had never heard of Eckhart Tolle or The Secret. I just knew my life needed to change. I wasn’t a horribly negative person before that but I wasn’t happy. I had a few moments of “road rage” and I was known to let a store clerk have a piece of my mind on occasion. I would complain about everything wrong with my house and I didn’t like the weeds in my yard or the fact that I couldn’t afford to leave the air conditioner on when it was hot outside. When my husband would come home after work, he would immediately look for the negative (Why is the door open? How did these flies get in the house? Turn off that light. Shut that door). I was done with negativity. No more complaining. I decided I was going to change myself first and then hopefully my positivity would rub off on those around me. I decided to start exercising on a regular basis and if my kids or husband said something negative, I was not going to react. Not reacting to their complaints worked amazingly well because it gave their negativity nowhere to go. All their negativity just disappeared into thin air because I was no longer giving their fire any fuel. Within days of my transformation, a friend left The Secret DVD on my doorstep. After I watched the DVD twice, I felt sure that my positive energy had pulled the DVD right to my door!

“We become what we think about, all day long.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Secret DVD has flaws. Don’t we all? If you watch the entire DVD though, hanging on to the stuff that works for you, it could change your life (no, if you wish long and hard for a new shiny bicycle, it’s not going to come to your doorstep). Anyhow, I was excited because I knew I had already started using some of the principles of the Law of Attraction. Like attracts Like. Negative attracts Negative. (Have you ever been in a bad mood and watched how quickly those negative vibes rub off on those around you?) Positive attracts Positive (a smile, a hug, it doesn’t take much).

“Most people treat the present moment as if it were an obstacle that they need to overcome. Since the present moment is Life itself, it is an insane way to live.” –Eckhart Tolle

Here are some of the things that helped me. Remember, the Law of Attraction is only ONE tool to help you get on a positive track and improve your life.

Take responsibility. Take some responsibility for the things, good and bad, that have happened in your life. Scientists have proven that we are all made up of energy. Think of yourself as tiny particles. Quantum physicists have proven that like energy attracts like energy. Whatever it is you choose to focus on is exactly what you are drawing to you (keep thinking and talking about how sucky your life is, and yes, it’s probably going to be sucky). Instead, begin to focus on things you want in life: happiness, financial freedom, a stress-free life, a publishing contract, etc. And then begin to visualize these things as if they have already happened to you. It only takes seconds to feel the power of good, positive thoughts. When you’re tired, don’t think “tired.” Think energizing thoughts. If you can’t take a nap, what good is thinking about how tired you are going to do you?

You have nothing to lose by thinking positively. Nothing.

Take all negative words out of your life. If you keep telling yourself that a task is going to be hard, then guess what? It’s going to be hard!

Be grateful. For me, this is THE most important thing to do if you truly want to change your attitude and your life. Be grateful for every single thing you have. If you aren’t getting along with someone, remember all the good things about that person. Look around you and be grateful for your eyesight. Be grateful for your legs that get around. If a messy house drives you nuts, be grateful you have a roof over your head. Be truly grateful, and you’ll make room to receive more wonderful things into your life.

Be positive. Positive that today is going to be the best day ever. Positive that you will get everything done that you need to. Positive that any financial problems will take care of themselves. Positive that you will lose five pounds, that you will do your best to eat right, that you will squeeze exercise into your busy day, that you will be published some day, that you will get an agent or a contract, etc.

You need to take action.

Action. Don’t just sit on the couch wishing. Do something. You might not know what to do, but putting yourself out there, even if it’s going for coffee with a friend, will lead to the next thing or idea. The very ACT of being, thinking, and feeling positive will make you feel happier. If you want to lose five pounds, you need to eat healthily. If you want to be rich, you need to come up with an idea or go to work. If you want to have a stress-free life, you need to stop sweating the small stuff.

You’ll look and feel younger. Amazing changes will occur. Once you start thinking positively, everyone you come into contact with, including your family, will react differently toward you. They will become more accommodating and/or cooperative. You’ll relax more and worry less.

Life still happens. Think positively, but also keep your logic intact and know that your car might still break down, your kid might not make the soccer team, you might lose your car keys or stub your toe, but HOW you REACT will make all the difference in the world. Since surviving cancer, Lance Armstrong has said, “I now have good days and great days.” You don’t have to survive cancer to feel the same way.

“We will not build a peaceful world by following a negative path.” — Martin Luther King Jr.

Being positive, for whatever reasons, doesn’t appeal to everyone.

Read up on the Law of Attraction and positive thinking, and convince yourself to give it a chance. If the idea seems strange, give it a try anyhow. You have nothing to lose, only to gain. Ignore what others might say or think about you once they discover you are changing the way you think. My son pointed out that people weren’t changing around me, but that I was seeing people and the world in a new way, perhaps even through rose-colored glasses. Maybe he’s right. But you know what? It worked for me. I remember coming home from a two-hour PTC meeting and my daughter asked me how it went, and I said, “AMAZING.” My husband rolled his eyes and said, “Everything that happens to you can’t possibly be amazing.” I laughed and said I would stop using that word around him so much and I could see his mind reeling, probably remembering the not-so-positive me from the past, and he said, “No. No. Keep doing whatever you’re doing. I like it.”

Now, three years later, I found myself slipping back into my old ways. Complaining more often and thinking life wasn’t fair. My older son, the one who once suggested I might be seeing the world through rose-colored glasses, asked me what happened to my positive self? I reminded him that he made fun of me and wasn’t exactly the most supportive with my new and improved self. That’s when he told me I was wrong. In actuality, my happy, positive vibes had rubbed off on him, made him grateful for the little things, made him see life a little differently. He told me how he’d told all of his friends of the changes I’d made and how proud of me he was. He made me see that I was on the right track after all.

Letting go of the negative energy in me was much easier this time. It’s like riding a bike…once you’ve truly learned how to think positively and be grateful for what you have, it’s much easier to get back up if you trip and fall every once in a while.

This might sound strange, but I think it’s worth repeating. I truly had to “train” myself to think differently. It’s easy to slip back into the complaining mode or to not be happy about little things. Like getting down on life because of a dirty house, especially when you don’t have time to clean it. Let it go! You’ll be doing yourself and everyone around you a favor. Life is too short. If you knew you only had a year to live, would you care about the floor needing to be mopped? No. You wouldn’t be sweating the small stuff. You would want to cherish every moment you had with your loved ones. So why wait another day? Start training yourself to think positively and watch the grass grow greener right before your eyes. It worked for me and my family. My husband has become more positive than me! My entire family is happier than ever. I kid you not. Just last night, my daughter’s boyfriend told my daughter that he wished his family could be so loving and happy.

I wish I could take away all the bad things that happen in the world, but I can’t. None of us can. We only have the power to change ourselves. And, IMO, it’s a great start.

“We are shaped by our thoughts, we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.” — Buddha
~~~

Thursday's progress:

I don't have an accurate calorie count for some of the things I ate yesterday, but it was a high-calorie day. Amazingly, the scale continues to tick downward. Still, I'm aiming for 1,000-1,200 calories today. I had 8,902 steps yesterday, and worked on house cleaning for 2 1/2 hours. Can you say fall cleaning/culling time? :)

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