All concerned, I asked, "Why?"
"To learn how to walk without my gut."
OK. That was kind of weird. After a few moments, I came up with, "Well, change can always be difficult."
He changed the topic, and we kept chatting. His statement kept gnawing at me though because I didn't quite get it. What a strange thing to say. A day or two later, I realized it was a joke.
Wow! How healthy. I didn't get it because I could not even imagine making a joke about weight loss. Even though I had been motivated by the weekly meeting, I was still in a funk over the fact that I had gained .4 of a pound. And, I knew I had been eating more and moving less the past few weeks, so it should not have been a surprise. I was not quite in the depths of self-loathing that I felt the 18 or 19 times I gained in 2009, but I was still down and completely overreacting to the "bad news" the scale gave me.
I swear I have a sense of humor, and I have been known to make jokes about the urge to overeat but never about this journey to becoming a person with a healthy BMI. Honestly, nothing feels more like an emotional roller coaster than my feelings about this process, and I can feel so full of ugly emotions at these meetings that I wonder why anyone would want to be near me or talk to me. It's raw Michelle with no emotional energy to keep her barriers or boundaries up, and there may be no filter. Oh, the drama, the pain, the suffering, the threat of tears. Some of that can be replaced with joy, hope, pride, optimism, and a positive attitude as the journey is becoming more successful overall but never humor.
Why not? It seems like such a healthy reaction to make a joke about this. I've tried to come up with one, but I've not even come close to thinking of one. Why can't I do that? Why does every part of this journey have to be so dramatic? Why can't I just let go and laugh about it a time or two?
It may be asking too much of myself right now. I hope to come up with a joke before the end of the year. I think it would be a really healthy sign.
Can you see the humor in weight loss? Can you think of any good jokes I could make? Do you think it's easier for men to joke about this than women? Is this a laughing matter?
Michelle Butler has made becoming a healthy writer a priority. She lives, works and writes in the Washington, DC, area. You can follow her on twitter at http://twitter.com/healthywrtr